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Archive for November, 2009

Idi’s Cure

Posted by Jason Keays On November - 23 - 2009

It’s a typical rural day in a shanty-looking favela on the South American continent – Brazil. Today, the clouds have that silver lining while the blinding sun struggles, but periodically shows off its talents in warming the earth. On a sloping hill, or mountain, sit these architectural feats of personal design – under impoverished conditions. Prone to land slides of course.

The village sprawls with life. I walk down the snaking alleyways. It’s a maze-like labyrinth to me. I can turn here, here and here. Oh, and here – through to the rainforest which licks the edges of the opposite village which feeds off its resources.

“Abu! This way!” shouted Idi, in an excited tone of voice. “There isn’t all the time in the world you know. We must move… and now, before dark.”

Idi is a local here. She is what drives this small, depending community. At twenty-seven years old, she was born in 1982. She is married, established, and wise. She has that animated look on her face, and is a Portuguese Brazilian native. Her skin is soft, her body young and proportional. She is wearing a shabby floral dress, faded – the hem linings out of place. She is bare-footed, and her feet look sore. But she doesn’t care. I wouldn’t. If I lived outside a normal means of living, I would become accustomed to it. That is what she does. And well.

Down the local market, word has reached Idi of an attraction that has garnered the attention of masses of village-dwellers, not only from her village, but from neighbouring villages too.

Every Saturday, the market is a hub of activity. The sound and life of it is driven by the North-West wind which swoops down the alleyway front door of their house. Down this narrow maze, the wind howls and whistles. It’s like it makes a shrewd attempt at communicating with the people. Up above, makeshift washing lines hover with the swirls of wind that go through them. The clothing upon the line reminds me of hardship, and of a government that ignores its own peoples pleading for assistance.

“There is an unfamiliar person downtown. I think he is from the other America. If we hurry, we can see who he is and what he is here for,” Idi exclaims, panting for breath after fussing around for a disposable camera which is lost in her small and messy one-roomed shack.

Accompanying Idi is Abu, her trustworthy friend. They have known each other for a long time, and met while they used to play catch in the muddy side streets adjacent to the favela. Abu is pigmy-sized, and is a native of the forest, part of the Eukaphus tribe which lies deep up the mountain in the very heart of the jungle. She is nineteen years of age, and Idi taught her to speak English. She has a perfect set of the whitest teeth, and her smile is infectious. Her body is adorned with black and white shades of paint and jewellery, and she has a steadfast composure while her eloquent brown hair snakes down all the way to her faultless waistline.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, and just be patient! I’m sure it’s a visitor and not a person just passing through,” she has a slight amount of irritation in her voice because Idi is rushing her. She has been fussing to find the appropriate dress code. “Ah, this will work!” She digs about for a red sarong, and finally her hands, which seem to have some possessive syndrome, recover it. It’s splattered with dry spots of a black-brown mud, unwashed. She throws it over her body.

They rushed out the door. It’s a ten minute walk or a five minute run. They chose the latter.

“Follow me,” Idi shouted, on top of all the buzzing of the people who were also shouting, but not like this. “I want to be in front, in front, in front of all the others! If we can run, it’ll only take a few minutes, that’s all. Keep close behind me and we’ll be the other attraction. Don’t create too much suspicion!”

I’m the “main attraction” here. I am a white North American. My name is Doctor John Worthy. They’re not unfamiliar with people like me – an outsider, alien, intruder, other being – whatever you want to call it. My wounding accent intrigues them, even my white skin. My entrance is neutral. They receive me in a neutral way – neither welcoming nor inhospitable.

At last Idi and Abu slow their paces down to a respectable level.

“Idi, who is he?” I think I may have seen his face before,” she stops to think, “Wasn’t he here with a bunch of other whites who were helping to fix some of the sick people last summer?”

“I think you may be right. He was helping the people who were sick and vulnerable. Good man. I hope he is here for the same reason this time. What do you think Abu?” Idi doesn’t make eye contact; she is staring into the immediate distance. He is without a doubt gathering the attention of the people who notice him. “I should show him my forest remedy. I was once told that the other Americans use medicine made outside of the forest. They don’t believe my methods, because I think they’re just scared and will lose money.” Idi paused for a moment, on the outskirts of the new buzz.

Forest remedies were Idi’s fascination and profession. She never gets sick. And nor do the people who are closest to her and around her. Little people know of her skill in natural medicine… or her potential. Her ways are low-key but super effective methods of curing the sick, for literally any disease.

They approached the man. “Hello,” in a very shy tone, proclaimed Idi.

“And you are?”

“Idi, sir… Idi is my name. You’re a doctor? I’m here not to beg for your aid, but to show you something which might hold your interest.”

I was taken by surprise… I regret my arrogance and disgusting attitude as well. “Why would I, a qualified doctor from America, be interested in a snotty, unqualified woman’s non-medical mumbo-jumbo? I call the shots, I administer the shots and I will fire the shots too, if anyone steps out of line.”

This is not me, but I’m one of those stereotypical doctor success stories out of the largest and darkest lecture rooms of Harvard University. Money is unfortunately on my agenda most days I spend on the job. I regret saying such nasty words to some of the most innocent, harmless and vulnerable people there are on earth.

“I make medicine – special medicine. I’m skilled in the making of medicine.”

“Yes, yes, yes. I get it. You’re trying to convince me to switch my mode of profession, aren’t you? I know what I’m doing lady. There are sick people that need real care and attention. Excuse me.” I proceeded to worm my way through the onlookers, all with confused, expressionless looks on their faces. The local clinic was across the other quieter end of the now worried atmosphere in the market.

“Hey! I can show you my methods of curing peo-“… she was interrupted before she could complete the sentence. “I… please…. please sir. I CAN. I invented an all-purpose antidote for universal illness. Trust me; many outsiders have walked through here with illnesses they caught in the forest. I made them better! Please don’t doubt me.”

“I see this too often. I really do.” …I walked away.

Abu was awestruck, standing there, mouth wide open in shock while Idi lead her back to the shack, disappointed, shoulders down. She devised a plan over scraps of lunch.

“He needs to be taught a lesson Abu. He’ll be back.”

“What lesson?”

“Death and Life – I have a secret treatment. It was accidental.”

“I’m confused.”

“It kills people for a few hours and they wake up in the knowledge that they’ve seen death in the eye. It scares them to never return.”

Idi brewed up a mean concoction. It was odourless and deep black in colour. The next day she and Abu sneaked up behind the clinic. There I was, helping patients, my bedside manner edgy and torn.

She snuck some of the now powder into his glass of water. The powder, now colourless, in a few seconds dissolved into it.

“Run Abu! Run!” They ran for their dear lives, behaving like conniving criminals in the middle of a bust. They were professional runners too, knowing all the short cuts of the village. “Into this alley, quick, we can make it if we hurry!” She did it with flawless precision.

Quickly Idi, don’t stop running, follow me into the forest! I have a hideout that only I know about.” They stayed there for the night while Idi knew of the revenge she’d got on me.

—————-

It was to be a horrifying experience. It would only hit me hours later in my bungalow, a fifteen minute drive outside of here. Hallucinations and death plagued me for what seemed like days. I woke up in a cold sweat, like pearly beads across my forehead. I was out of there, on a plane… gone.

My time in Brazil ended quicker than it began, and I blame my ugly behaviour for the taboo treatment I received in return for the words I so vividly recall in my mind. Back to that America…

Popularity: 21% [?]

R94 000 overtime for deputy mayor’s guard

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 12 - 2009

Employees at the Msunduzi municipality are coining it in overtime pay, with a security guard for the deputy mayor pocketing almost R94 000 in overtime for just two months’ work.

Popularity: 4% [?]

More defiance at Eskom, Armscor

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 12 - 2009

Eskom’s board has insisted that its CEO Jacob Maroga has resigned despite his denial, as the boss of another parastatal, Armscor, also refuses to step down.

Popularity: 4% [?]

ANC: UFS council too white

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 12 - 2009

The ANC and its alliance partners have demanded the disbanding of the University of the Free State’s council because there are too few black people on it.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Mbeki blamed for Aids crisis

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 11 - 2009

Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi has unveiled shocking figures showing a huge Aids-related leap in South Africa’s death rate – and he’s blaming Thabo Mbeki’s government.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Maroga barred from Eskom

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 11 - 2009

The Eskom board has prevented CEO Jacob Maroga from returning to work and has apparently started to look for his replacement.

Popularity: 4% [?]

‘Are my kids okay?’

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 11 - 2009

“Are my kids okay,” asked a mother shortly before dying after an accident. One of her three children was “lying like a doll” in the veld.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Boks call on Cheetah power

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 9 - 2009

Gerdie Karstens

Kimberley – It appears as if the Springbok selectors have finally taken cognisance of the scrumming power of the Free State Cheetahs.

Cheetahs hooker and captain Adriaan Strauss, Free State loosehead prop Wian du Preez and former Cheetahs tighthead CJ van der Linde have all been called up to the Springbok squad for the tour of Europe by national coach Peter de Villiers.

Strauss and Du Preez travelled to Johannesburg on Sunday. Van der Linde, who is currently playing for Irish team Leinster, is joining up with the Boks in France on Wednesday.

Hooker and captain of the Bok dirt-trackers, Chiliboy Ralepelle, as well as props Gurthrö Steenkamp and Jannie du Plessis, are all returning to South Africa after they sustained injuries in the first tour game against the Leicester Tigers on Friday night.

Van der Linde’s call-up is just as big a surprise as the initial omission of Du Preez and Strauss from the Bok squad. He has not played for the Boks since August 2008 in the Tri-Nations and there will be significant interest in his performances in the Bok jersey.

Experts have long had their doubts about the scrumming ability of South African captain and tighthead prop, John Smit. De Villiers may well have set the cat among the pigeons by picking Van der Linde as a specialist tighthead.

“It’s fantastic that we can call on a player like CJ to join us. He’s a specialist tighthead prop and provides the kind of strength we need,” De Villiers said in a statement by SA Rugby on Sunday.

Du Preez’s omission from the Bok squad shocked experts, especially after his quick rise in the scrumming world.

The inclusion of Lions prop Heinke van der Merwe, who had been injured for long and did not get much game time, came as a surprise. His lack of game time was exposed against Leicester and cost the Boks dearly in the scrums.

Strauss should also have worn the Green-and-Gold a lot earlier.

He proved himself in the Currie Cup as hooker and captain and is a much better hooker than the Bulls’ Ralepelle and Bandise Maku.

“Hopefully they get the opportunities they deserve at Test level,” said Cheetahs coach Naka Drotské.

The chances appear good that Strauss and Du Preez may both find themselves on the Boks’ substitute bench for the first Test of the tour.

“France place a lot of emphasis on good scrumming and Wian will definitely be an asset to the Bok scrum. He already proved himself in the Currie Cup and while Heinke’s selection above him did not make sense, he now gets the opportunity to play his part,” said Drotské.

Strauss will also be an asset with his leadership capabilities and good general play, Drotské believes.

“He can add value, especially at international level. He’s a leader with a strong personality and surely one of the best hookers in the country,” said Drotské.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Robber emasculates himself

Posted by Pieter Nel On November - 9 - 2009

Pretoria – An armed robber who attacked 12 people in a house in Queenswood, Pretoria, and threatened to shoot them “one by one”, shot his own penis off with his stolen firearm.

Another robber was shot dead on the scene.

The injured robber had hidden the firearm in the front of his trousers. When he removed the weapon, a shot went off by accident, hitting him in the groin.

According to an informed source at the scene, this robber’s injury was so severe that doctors would not have been able to re-attach his penis.

Collette Weilbach, police spokesperson, said the family’s domestic worker raised the alarm on Friday evening at 20:00 when she noticed two suspicious men in the yard.

The family wishes to remain anonymous.

According to Weilbach, the family had 12 guests at the time, which included adults and children.

“The robbers ransacked the house, threatening to shoot the people one by one.”

At that stage, she said, the family’s 35-year-old son arrived at the house along with security guards.

“The son fired two shots at a man who was aiming a firearm at his father. The robber was hit in the head and died at the scene.”

The other two robbers fled. Family members who were rushing to the scene from Montana managed to capture one of the robbers near the house and load him into a vehicle.

It was then that the robber shot himself as the firearm went off accidentally.

Popularity: 31% [?]

Eleven Months In The Making

Posted by Jason Keays On November - 7 - 2009

driving-on-cell-phone-and-eating

I’m so relieved. This week, I have managed to get my dirty hands on a [much needed] driver’s licence. After all the blood, sweat and tears, it has come my way. My eleven months of trying to get it has finally paid off and it has been a life-changing experience.

I don’t like the traffic department. In fact just thinking about walking into a centre anywhere in the country makes me cringe. I guess you could say that this is my attempt at reviewing their behaviour and work ethic [or lack thereof]. Here in Somerset West, where I passed my licence, they have a very blunt approach to the masses that pass through their unattractive premises, day in… and day out. You expect service, but you get none. Little, if any at all. It’s no wonder that people get fed up with them. Without the licence, you are limited – socially, in finding a job, your education, and in your independence. I know the feeling… and I’m glad that those setbacks are behind me now.

It was my third attempt at this hell. My third time, and R3000 later… I got the good news. Not a cash bribe – but R3000 of which includes lessons, application fees, and processing fees. It’s the news of my life, because really that is how important this is to young people in South Africa. I don’t at all rely on public transport, how can I? I don’t risk trains here…!

And the proposed “K53″ method of driving is just plain ridiculous. It involves a series of robotic movements you have to constantly engage in… to such an extent that your eyes are off the road most of the time. I guess because it was my third attempt… I had casual driving under my belt. That was to my advantage – don’t go into this without general knowledge of the road. I became a K53 junkie, I really did. And now I will never think about that method ever again. You’d think driving was rocket science… when it actually isn’t. It’s a technique you learn but which becomes eventual second nature. Easy.

I won’t go into detail about how I managed to fail twice before I managed to nail it the third time. Recalling it depresses me. And now I can be a happy driver… and hopefully not become a culprit for road rage. Mind you – with South African taxis on the roads, it isn’t at all hard to become impatient.

All I know is…  I got me my driver’s!

Later.

Popularity: 26% [?]